Welcome to SLsecret, week 3.
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+18 more after the cut
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SLsecret is published every Sunday at Shopping Cart Disco. Upload your own secrets for next week here.
Give your secret authors a boost and discuss below!
About Iris Seale
Just wanted to add, number 12 is about me and my new dress. The circled part isn’t a mistake in texture, that’s just how that particular polygon stretches when the arm is lifted in that way. I kinda figured people knew that.
some of these were so upsetting – I wish i knew the people from 17 and 18 so I could help them not feel so bad
completely agree with 7 lol
and 6 ur a waste of space being such a pig
sorry Iris i didnt see that one properly – guess this blogger is still into the attacking people posts
shit ur the blogger – why post this and shit i need coffee
@B: Number 12 was emailed to me from a dummy email address. I’m so not giving them the satisfaction of not posting it and then laughing behind my back
Especially if there wasn’t an error in the texture. I’m pretty proud of the fact I never photo-edit my ads.
I think there are a lot more artists in SL than even the artists themselves realize.
number 19, I agree with. I have met so many cultures of people in SL and I have seen real life photos of a percentage of them, so many chose Caucasian avatars when they are clearly not; not there is rules that your avatar should reflect you, but I find diversity a fascinating thing. One of my friends lives in France, he is black and changed his avatar to a blonde blue eyed male. I asked him why, he told me that many of the people in the circle he hangs with are racist, I told him he needs a new circle to hang with.
Number 16 really spoke to me. My mother died 2 years ago and her number is still on speed dial on my phone. It’s silly, but I just cannot delete it.
I want to instantly friend #17 and drag her everywhere with me
Number 6 scares me out! I contribute to a lot in causes inSL even though most of them aren’t causes I know because they are mostly American things and I am European.
And… number 16 is something I actually do inSL. I have a friend who doesn’t log and I miss him so much. It also applies to my RL. I won’t delete a friends number who died a month ago.
#6 makes me sad
A lot of these made me sad =(
#6- that’s fucked up!
LOL @ #14
. I remember that day, we had our heads inside the shop while our bodies were outside and Poppy (or maybe it was someone else, don’t remember) made wooden plaques to go around our necks so we looked like deer heads hanging on a wall. I was cracking, and whoever you are #14, I love you too! I remember that day well and all the few people present at that moment are people whose company I enjoy soooooo much and that’s no secret! You were there too Tenshi (if my crappy memory recalls correctly) 
.
<3<3<3
Ahh yep, there’s your name under the white bar
Juicy week. I wish you did these posts daily!
#3 really touched me. I think I need to have a few drinks with #3.
#6, whoa you ARE the devil. Check your karma.
Hey 17 and 18, if you ever get to read this. Feel free to drop me an IM. It sounds like you’re far more interesting ppl than those superficial ones that have been neglecting you!
call my cynical but #6 doesn’t surprise me at all.
it seems it’s best to only support causes in SL that can be verified, and there’s a lot that can’t be – which makes that unfair
@Cajsa…it isn’t silly at all
My father died 3 months ago and I know that I will never delete his number from my phone, it jolts me when someone calls from the house and I see “daddy” on the screen but it is getting easier and almost a comfort now to see it
Kaiti, my father died unexpectedly last year… I worked with him at our family business and he would call me every morning to get up and come to work. The Monday I had to go back to work, the phone rang.. and I picked it up and no one was there.. and I finally.. finally.. FINALLY broke down and cried… god.. I’m bawling right now.. It just.. got me..
yeah, 17 if you want to IM me in world feel free. no judgments. everyone needs to talk and it helped me to get into a very outgoing and chatty circle of friends.
*hugs Rowan*
17 made me cry a bit, I’ve known how you feel and it’s almost a shame the secrets are anonymous because it seems there are plenty of us here who want to talk to you and be your friend. <3
18) I’m so glad you didn’t have the guts. We might not make it better, but you can know you’re cared about, even by strangers!
2) I totally empathize. But if he loves you then your appearance shouldn’t be so important. You’re lovable just as you are!
My first thought was that #6 was just a joke to cause a rukus.
Ok -who stole my photo for #10!!!???
I’m guessing the secret is NOT directed to me….or maybe it is!?
PS. love this addition to the blog – great stuff !!
XOXO
i love the semi theme going with the first few
and my av is more attractive than me in rl but people have told me that they look similar
and fuck that shit im fat in real life why would i want to be fat in second life??
OHHH and there are ALOT of white people in SL???? but come to certain areas u will see red… blue purple
damn it 3 comments in a row… that was supposed to be !!!! not ????
Now #12 just pisses me off. Good on you for including it but I so don’t want to see people use this as a platform to bag out designers/sl citizens where its clearly identified who they are refering to.
#12 – u r an idiot.
#6 – you could always pay it back you know.
re: number 19- I’m a non-Caucasian avatar, and I’m not white in real life either. I do happen to know a lot of people who have non-Caucasian avatars. I’ve been lucky enough not to have experienced much racism in SL. And I’m glad that the skin options for those of us who don’t wish to be Caucasian have improved since I’ve joined. With that said, it still saddens me that a whole lot of people out there would rather be furries, vampires, nekos, faeries, or anything else but a non-Caucasian person of any ethnicity. I don’t see my skin color as something I need to hide from the world.
#17, join the Hey Girlfriend group in-world. A bunch of over-chatty down to earth people obsessed with shopping and prone to spontaneous congregating. If you can stand having your group chat window open with blabber about anything and everything SL and RL-related, this is the group to join.
16. and 19. are my favorite, cause I can relate, and 1. is all kinda our secret, I don’t delete them but I do think differently.
29,, I’m black in both lives, theres a ton of groups you can join to meet other non-caucasians.
shit I meant 19 not 29 lol.
I hate the usage of ‘potential paedophiles’ in number one. Just because someone isn’t pretty doesn’t mean they’re a paedophile. There are plenty of attractive child molesters, murderers and rapists. We don’t live in a fairy tale world where pretty=good and ugly=evil.
and 7. I’m the complete opposite, I’m a total bandwagon jumper sometimes.
#13 really creeps me the hell out — nevermind that I know who he is, and we’re actually very good friends, but this is something straight out of textbook stalkerdom. Wow.
also about #19, not every avatar that appears caucasian is… my avatar is Asian but the skin tones are pretty similar so it’s not always obvious.
Ryker I’m with ya there on #13. Creepy and scary.
18) it takes alot of guts to choose a life when you have been to the brink – so don’t underestimate your decision – your decision took courage and I for one applaud that
#6 kinda pisses me off, since I sent every single cent of the charity event I ran on to where it belonged… despite being unemployed and facing eviction myself. There’s just no damn excuse for it. Say __% percent of stuff is not-for-profit/charity then, just don’t lie to people about it.
As mentioned before, it’s not too late to send the rest of it on 
And ew at the personal attacks on designers again. Wtf.
For the most part, though, the look into the insecurities, emotional pain, and secret feelings of people in Second Life is compelling and interesting. I want to know some of these people who are secretly hurting. For all I know, I might already…
I too have noticed there is a dearth of non-white human avatars. I would ascribe some of that to the digital divide. There are fewer people-of-color participating in most of the internet-related networks and activities than their share of the population. This is a result of structural racism that America seems to have given up on overcoming.
But that does not account for the startling dominance of the Euro facial features and skin color in Second Life. I have no idea why so many Asians wear western-looking avatars other than my awareness that the media successfully promotes standards of beauty that disappear most ethnicities completely. That they can do this should not surprise us, they are able to build a beauty myth so powerful that women kill themselves trying to meet its unrealistic definitions of beauty.
As to the lack of black avatars, I have three real life African American friends that I have invited into Second Life. All are women and have shapes that have European facial dimensions. And sadly, they buy progressively lighter skins each time they skin shop. All have steered clear of hair that has African American qualities – no braids, no kinkiness, no curls. Currently their avatars look like white women with tans. Because I years of experience in anti-racism organizing and training in my real life, I am probably more comfortable talking about racism and being blunt about such things, so I asked each of them if they had noticed they were making their avatars progressively whiter. One (also in anti-racism organizing) said it was deliberate, that people were unfriendly to her as a black woman and she thought she would get more respect as a white avatar. She saw it as a social experiment. She was taking notes!!!
The other two had not noticed, just thought they looked prettier with the lighter skin – a self-revelation of the internalized racism that perceives lighter skin as prettier.
On the other hand, I am conflicted about white people wearing black skins. It’s possible the wearer could encounter racism in the course of their day and it could be a real learning experience. On the other hand, if the wearer adopted what they perceive as black cultural markers and played to black stereotypes, speaking ebonics, using the n-word, etc., that would be profoundly racist.
Let me give an example. I was at an event disrupted by someone in a black avatar, speaking ebonics, spouting obscenities and totally griefing the place and shouting about reparations, etc. My immediate instinctive thought was that person was a racist white playing black. I may be wrong, but I seriously doubt it. Checking in with friends in the audience who were black, that was their opinion also.If that’s how white people play in black skin, Second Life does not need it. Like it or not, in America black skin has a history that cannot be ignored. For whites to pretend to blackness without that experience and history, seems a form of theft – a cultural appropriation that is disrespectful, another form of colonization.
EEK!! Did I really post something so long!!!! Sorry for going on an on.
As someone who has just finished a rather large fundraising effort in SL, I wanted to state it clearly that the Footwear Expo was 100% for the charity, as advertised. The #6 secret here is sad and awful and I hope it’s just a joke. Unfortunately, there are a lot of charitable actions going on in SL all the time, and something like this secret casts a poor light on all of them, and everyone involved. :\
@Cajsa: Your comment was really interesting. It brought up something I’d never considered. I have a few black skins (Nylon, Toast and Miw, I think) that I like to wear occasionally. My avatar doesn’t change otherwise and I certainly don’t change the way I think/talk/act, but is that still considered offensive? I’d never thought of it as offensive. I just thought they were pretty.
See, there’s why I am conflicted. I think it could be a tremendous experience for white people to walk in a black skin and experience the different treatment and expectations that blacks face. Sort of the like the Black Like Me author. SL might give you that opportunity, though I think people in SL are more comfortable with difference and diversity than the general population and if you walk into an SL store, you won’t be followed by a suspicious clerk – something that happens so often to my friends that they bet on how long it will take them to get “help” in a store.
I think if you wear a black skin consciously – self aware that you are not black – and respectfully – careful not to replicate black stereotypes and play to racist expectations of blacks, you should be fine. I cannot speak for anyone but myself, but I think that would be okay – it’s the role-playing a black person and playing up the cultural stereotypes that seems offensive to me.
#17 and 18, I’ll talk to you. I don’t have the nerve to ignore people!
I like #9, SL IS virtual dolls to a certain extent for me, but “Our wardrobe is better than Barbie’s”
The feelings of #17 and #18 I understand far too well.
To the person who left the #9 comment
(and used one of my photo’s from my blog/Flickr, hehemmm!):
I don’t think it’s any shameful secret to admit that you ‘chased freebies around the grid’, what is wrong with being a ‘virtual barbie’?
If virtual shopping (free or not) and making your avatar look pretty gives you pleasure, then so what? You aren’t hurting anyone, it’s harmless fun!
Now, if you are spending RL money on looking virtually beautiful when you can’t afford it, that is a problem. Therefore, it’s great that designers are kind enough to give away free things, so everyone can play at looking pretty.
I think it’s more shameful if a person is using SL for extra marital liaisons when they are committed to someone in RL, or if they use it fulfill perverse sexual fantasies about children or animals etc.
From Creamy
(proud to be a virtual Barbie)
I totally relate to this phrase in #1.
“For some reason I strongly admire those with unattractive avatars”
I totally respect people who have an unusual or unattractive avatar, to me that shows they are confident in their RL self/looks and that what they look like on the outside in RL or SL does not matter.
In my experience, these people often have great personalities that shine through and they are the people I love to hang out with..it’s not all about looks for them, but it is about having FUN! That’s what SL should be all about.
Grrr, I still cannot seem to post one of these to that site. I’ve tried on 3 different computers. My pic is a jpg 166804 bytes and 600×450 and I get the error message “Error: Only .jpg images under 1.5 MB are accepted for upload” Mine obviously should be able to post, is there another way we can?
@Well Damn: You can email your secret to me at irisseale(at)gmail(dot)com
I don’t know why it won’t work for some people. Maybe it has something to do with your browser? It runs fine on my Firefox, though.
If my math is correct (*IF*) 166804 bytes is approx 1.27 MB. I know you all think it’s a hard and fast rule but upon upload sometimes items at 1.x MB are denied due to how the server calculates the size. (I don’t feel like getting into serious detail because I am not an expert on file sizes and storage but well think of on your OS when there’s Size on Disk size v. Size of file and they are different).
If you compress your file a bit more (maybe lower the jpg quality a couple notches it could work.
Anyway, as I said, I can make the limit 1000MB but the php.ini limit is approximately 1.5MB.
Anywho, I have the same problem with gmail- I have a 15.7 MB file I cannot send even though gmails limit is 20MB. Anyway I hope this clarifies some info, and Iris? Should I post this on the upload??? maybe a tech support faq thingy?
HTH.
Hints for sending files. One thing you can do is perform a SAVE AS and replace your file with your file. I don’t know why, but depending on your graphic software, this simple act can reduce your file size by up to 1/3rd.
As for your 15.7 MB file, let me recommend YouSendIt.com, for a small bit of site generated spam (a couple emails a month) you can transmit huge files like this easily. You upload it to their site and they send a link to the recipient who can download it.
#5……makes me miss my SL best friend. But he doesn’t even understand he did anything wrong…….so there is no chance he’ll ever even try to say he’s sorry……..
@Cajsa: thanks for the awesome tip, but my requirement was for a pay then download type thing and yousendit has no security- I ended up modifying an opensource application to do my security and bought a domain (which I am using for something else in the future).
Thanks for your tips on the images and I think I may add that onto the front page if Iris says it is a-ok to even do the additional tech support section. Would that be ok with you.
Now…as for the secrets- these were all fantastic. Iris you handled your ‘criticism’ (if it can be called that) very well. <3 #6 makes me like “WTF” but then I bet it’s for the lulz. @19: I made my alt dark skinned because I wanted to see how it is to walk in someone elses skin. From a sociological aspect I find that fascinating. @2: you are more beautiful than your avatar and here’s why: Look at your feet. Now look at your avatar’s feet. I don’t care how super gorgeous modelicious your avatar is it’s got some damn ugly feet. Now go have true love- for the sake of your feet!!!
<>
lol
Yes, it’s okay with me, though those aren’t like trademarked tips, they are public domain tips that don’t require my permission to repost.
hmm, that bit in the brackets was a quote from Iris encouraging #2 to seek true love for the sake of her feet, but it disappeared when I submitted.
Is everyone white in SL ? I only see grey people !!!
Cajsa — great comment re the skins. Just my two cents based on my experience:
1. When I first started sl, I looked for darker skins and I found some but I thought they were awful. The skin tones on the darker skins just looked like ‘caucasion with tan’ or just really ruddy. So I only wore whiter skins
2. Nowadays, there are lots of good quality dark skins, which I do wear; but initially I did think that the few sl friends I had would treat me differently if I started wearing darker skins… and some did, but whatever, it’s SL.
3. Also, I do sometimes still wear the lighter skins because there are lot of pretty skins and I don’t want to be constrained in SL.. it’s an escape, not RL. Also, sometimes it’s just nice to get away from identity politics.. even though SL is close to RL in some ways… it’s nice that it isn’t always so.
A secret..needs to be deeply¨true¨-at least as I conceive-. I take the first and last secrets ( 1 and 19) and i dont see any sincerity comparing them.
Dont you know anything about a word called ¨freedom¨? Sl is a G A M E, and one of its rich side is the freedom to do,create, make, etc´s. So anyone who enters can make the avatar looks like he-she wants, not because they r racists, uglys,complex, or psicothics, just because they f.. want that look.
So u talk about asking plurality in secret 19, but you DONT really like it…you run away as a non brain girl when u see unattractive REAL people.
My secret is: I feel sorrow about people like you. ( if you can opne your mind, u will not see this message as an attack, just as it is..a simple but sincere message to you).
See you all inword, Ariadna D Writer.