And now for the news

I lied. It’s not really the news. As it turns out I’ve been not keeping my ear to the ground for the latest crazy antics you kids have been doing. Being deported will do that to you (It turns out there is actually a legal limit to how many times you can sing Winger’s “Seventeen” before they ask you to leave the country).  So instead, you’re going to get 8 things that I think and you are going to like it. Did you hear me? You will like it and you will not leave this table till you like it.

1: Recording Voice Conversations

Seriously, it’s come to this now? We’ve officially become those creepy fucks who record voice conversations in order to further validate the fact we suck on a molecular level? C’mon Man!! Really?!? I mean chat logs are one thing but recording somebody’s dirty talk? That’s just low. I mean I get we can be a juvenile lot (Yes I am including myself) but this is some straight up grade A bullshit.

2: Linden Lab vs Evans, Spencer, and Carter.

So, somebody is suing Linden Lab again. Over what exactly? We’re not sure. I tried reading it all the way through but that much legalese makes me bust out in showtunes and I start dry humping furniture. Basically, Evans is the main character for the plaintiffs. Now, in a motion to dismiss Linden Lab did something interesting.  Apparently most of their entire argument against this lawsuit is “Evans is a douche”. LL is actually right, Evans is a douche. However, I am not sure “That dude is a douche” is a legal argument. The other interesting thing here is that the Lab decided to show chat logs from IM’s between Evans and other residents. Big Brother is indeed watching. On a side note, can you imagine the poor bastard who is charge of reading those IM’s? Dude, if you’re out there…I was joking about the gasmask, patchouli, rubber hose, crisco thing. It’s okay you can sleep at night now. More here

3: Piracy: What was the RIAA thinking?

Hey guys, you put up a good fight (I guess, let me shut down limewire and think about that) against piracy. But a recent news article has lead me to believe you may be idiots. Wavy Spaghetti Cock idiots. Why? Well, it appears that from 2006 to 2008 the RIAA spent $64M USD to make $1.361M USD. Now, math is hard. I’ll admit that. But one of these things is not like the other.  Sadly, I can see the correlation between this and the constant struggle of the content creators in Second Life trying to keep their shit from getting stolen.

4: Pie vs Cake

Okay, so here is the deal. I am going to settle this argument right now and everybody is going to like it. The answer lies in the middle. And it’s name is Cheesecake. It is like a pie…and a cake and delicious.

5: JIRA this please.

They need to reduce the maximum size of the ass and hip slider. Or have some sort of scaling feature. I keep losing my drinks by setting them down on the constant shelf asses I’ve been seeing all around the grid. Or at least let us attach couches to them. Guy can come up flirting with her and we can be like “Hey yo, ease up off my end table”

6:  Yay Skin!

So, I have to ask. What is up with all the skin on the feeds? I like boobies as much as the next guy. In fact boobies are number 4 on my list of favorite things. 1 being Oxygen, 2 being bacon, and 3 being beer.  But lately as I’ve been perusing the feeds it seems like it’s a parade of nipple and ass crack.

7: Quit fucking with the viewers already

Look, just stop it. I like the adding of layers. I like the tattoo layer. I’ve even gotten used to the rotten AI. But the whole putting my old clothes back on when I am trying to put new ones on thing is nuttier that squirrel poop. Also, you guys missed a sale on the voice changers. If you had one that made me sound like Roger and Zapp I’d be all about it.