In a recent post on the New York Post, they covered the online phenomena of “pseudocide” – faking death via the internet. There have been quite a few cases of this in Second Life, and unfortunately the new aspect from simply online pseudocide is that people pass money around in Second Life like water – and are more than willing to help an avatar friend in need. Charitable victimization, if you will.
From the NYP Article:
It usually begins with a blogger saying that he or she has contracted an illness, followed by a description of a gradual decline in health, often aided by unlikely and unlimited access to a computer beside a supposed hospital bed. Alternatively, for a short, sharp exit, fakers are “killed” in a horrific accident, often a car crash, before their deaths are announced by close friends or relatives, who just happen to know the password to protected journals and are not too distracted by the mourning process to announce their loss to a group of anonymous strangers.
Although some fakers display a remarkable degree of endurance and research, stretching the fiction across many months of detailed and anguished description, even the most dedicated can slip up. Slight details can introduce contradictions and, while anyone caught up in the deception may be willing to forgive a slight oversight, disinterested sleuths are more ruthless. They are prepared to call funeral homes, hospitals or local newspapers where obituaries may (or may not) be published, and with countless pairs of eyes poring over ever detail, few contradictions escape.
In his 2004 book “Playing Sick,” Dr. Marc Feldman, a clinical psychiatrist at the University of Alabama, offers the first published investigation into a disorder he refers to as “Munchausen by Internet,” or MBI, which introduces an online element to the symptoms of Munchausen syndrome, the condition whose sufferers fake sickness and may demand medical treatment for a illness they do not really possess.
“The easy and ready access to the Internet propagates MBI,” said Feldman in a recent e-mail. “In fact, I believe that MBI is more common than MS in ‘real life.’ The reason is that it is so easy to use the net to research medical conditions, post fallacious materials, and engage others without the need to literally enact an illness. Many of these people seem to be very lonely, and the Internet offers a readily and continually-available source of unconditional support.”
Here’s what to look for so that you don’t become a victim of this awful trend:
1.) If it sounds sudden and fishy, it probably is.
2.) If the person has a medical issue and the medical facts aren’t adding up (symptoms, surgery speeds, recovery times) you might want to take pause and look carefully at the situation.
3.) If the person asks for assistance and says they aren’t sure when they will be online next – and then are constantly online thereafter, possibly even out shopping in SL, watch out.
4.) If you’ve already donated and you don’t hear back – well, you’re screwed. A good person in need will most likely keep you updated on their status.
5.) If you’re donating directly to a charity, ask for a copy of the confirmation email from the charity.
In the end, there will be no preventing this sort of sociopathic behavior as it’s a compulsion and an addiction. However, being better informed may make these sorts easier to spot and call out.
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Yes, I’ve seen this happen way too many times.
The last incident was with a ‘friend’ who hasn’t logged in SL for a while, one day I suddenly got a notecard from him saying something like this:
“I am (his name)’s roommate and I would like to inform you, his friends that last night his body was found dead blah blah blah has committed suicide and so on yadda yadda”.
I never bought it not for one second. Just gave me unstoppable lulz for the rest of the day.
Cause yeah, omg my roomate died what do I do? tell his internet friends and omg I just happen to know his password and who to send the note to etc. etc.
It wasn’t until I found the internet that I have found more people who have deadly illnesses and/or some chronic ilnness. Hence I’m desensitized to all the cries for pity and donations. And if someone reports that they are dead or dying I usually don’t believe.
I have a terminal case of narcissism, but you don’t hear me crying about it
I know someone who did die, suddenly in a car wreck – confirmable by online sources because we knew her real name.
I suppose that a bit of skepticism is warranted but I’d rather give people the benefit of the doubt.
I tend to view the online deaths of folks I don’t know IRL as “online deaths.” Such things, in that context, constitute a rather elaborate role play or a truth – but as role play, I can sympathize. I feel zero need to uncover the “truth” of the typist’s fate.
If you’re close to me, to the point where it would matter from a RL perspective, I know who you are IRL. I don’t let people into those rooms as AVs.
Donations to your medical care? ANY medical care is RL bucks, so I better RL care.
I was deeply upset in rl by an online ‘death’, and unfortunately the after affects scraped a bit of the rose tint off my glasses.
Yeah I think we’re seeing this more and more especially since you really have no way to verify what people are saying. It’s sad if it is true.
Personally none of my family knows my passwords, but they do know I have friends online who I have spoken to on the phone who they will probably contact, outside of SL or the internet.
There have been legitimate cases of online deaths but fortunately we were always provided with an obit to back it up.
The terminal illness/emergency surgery thing is something I have a much harder time buying into.
This has been going on since the dawn of AOL chat, Bulletin Board Systems, and usenet. I can guarantee that when I finally die, my daughter will log in as Dusky Jewell and notify down the friend’s list. NOT. My online friends will justifiably assume that I shot my computer, and walked away from it. Which I should do anyway.
Call me a Morbid Queen Dork, but I actually did give my brother my Facebook and SL logins and passwords so he could notify a specific list of my friends in the event of my untimely passing. He’s the only one I’d trust with info like that. And my parents simply wouldn’t understand that kind of request.
I did it after an SL friend of mine up and vanished (it’s almost a year later, and I still haven’t heard from her). After a few months went by I thought, “Wow, she could be dead or something and her SL friends would never know.”
I’ve gone through a serious illness before. It’s hell. Frankly I can’t imagine having the energy to get online friends involved. I was too sick and freaked out to barely function, let alone crank up a drama machine about it online. But HEY, that’s just me.
I’ve made some arrangements, but it’s basically to make sure one person is informed. Envelop with my lawyer. Instructions on how to get my login/pwd list. Who to call.
My password is stored – so the friend who probably would take charge if something happened, would log in and she knows the names of my closest SL friends.
As to the illness – I am not surprised that there are more ill people in SL than we find IRL. SL is a sedentary hobby. Before I injured my leg, I would have never had the time nor the inclination to spend hours at a computer in the evenings. And before allergies to perfume and aftershave have made me avoid crowds, I might have spent 1 or 2 nights a week at home at most.
It is that it creates a social activity for sedentary people (whether sedentary by inclination or illness) that certainly must increase the incidence of people with illnesses.
If I were to die, the only people that might find out are the ones that have my RL cell phone number. And I’m healthy as a horse, so I’m pretty sure I couldn’t run with a terminal illness plea.
I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but…
There’s just too much anonymity. Too much that can’t be confirmed. I’m jaded by that.
I agree with Raven. My lawyer also has a letter with the names of three SL friends. RL information for two of them, but SL only for one who very closely guards her RL info.
This was actually a topic for lengthy discussion one night amongst the four of us, and we decided we would rather know than not.
Same for me –
user accounts/passwords
A list of friends/contacts whom to notify
Most estate planning atty’s has realized this is growing more and more common.
This isn’t new I used to mod MSN and AOL chats in the late 90s and it happened then also. Someone would get way too over their head in drama and all of a sudden their “family member” would log on and say, “Hey did anyone here know _______?” Then wait for a response and tell everyone that this person died. Of course this persons habits wouldn’t change and they’d end up being found out anyway. I’d have more respect if they just be truthful about why they’re leaving and just leave.
If I died no one would know. With everything that would need taken care of in my RL I doubt the last thing my family would care about is logging into my internet applications. They would probably call LL and cancel the service but not log on.
My younger brother died suddenly a few years ago, and my parents asked me to let his online friends know because they were aware they’d been an important part of his life. Dad knew his password for most things and it worked for MSN. I was confronted with a long list of contacts, and no idea who any of them were except for one. It was horrible, and I’m sure some of them thought they were being messed with. But whatever, when he never showed up online again at least they knew the reason.
I’v seen a few of these cases, like the same one James knows of, which I have confirmed to be false. And ones like friend’s online lovers who suddenly flew off to another country to treat a fatal cancer they just discovered they had and blah blah blah. Most of them are fake and the few that are real it takes a long time to beleive. Fact if my friends who are really sick do NOT whine about it, they’ll tell us how they are when we ask but they never look for sympathy only to be treated normally.
Oh Stephanie.. that must have been so hard. I am so sorry for what you must have gone through.
I have enough connections between my SL/internet and my rl, including cell #, work info and names of my family with trusted ones that if I disappeared for long, it could be established why.
I have 2 SL friends who are very close and know my RL phone number if I ever disappear. Also, my husband knows my log in info, knows who my close pals are, and knows I would want those people informed.
Hopefully it will never be necessary. *knocks on wood*
The times real things happen it’s usually a “does anyone know what happened to ____, I haven’t seen ‘em in a while”
I’m kind of surprised more people haven’t mentioned the saved passwords aspect. On my dearly departed PC, FireFox had my passwords saved for Facebook, MySpace, Plurk, you name it. Also, my SL password was saved. All anyone had to do was double-click the SL icon and hit enter to log in on my account. On this PC I use Google Chrome, and I keep hitting “NO” when it asks to save my password. Lesson learned.
Anyway, I came to SL shortly after a drunk driver broke my back and left me unable to return to work. I’ve had several SL jobs and made a lot of friends. When I was scheduled for spine surgery last year, I notified the people I worked for, the owner of the sim on which I live, and several friends. They either had my cell phone number or could find me on my RL Facebook. I kept them informed because of the danger of such a surgery (the anesthesia, the fact that they had to collapse my lung for it blah blah blah) and in case anything happened, I wanted people to know.
Of course, I never asked for donations, nor did I suffer a prolonged terminal illness, but I did (in a way) prepare for the possibility I might not return.
Oh, and I provided “proof” of my ordeal… in the form of a gruesome picture of my brand new 7 1/2″ surgical scar, replete with staples, chest tube incision, and iodine stains. Hehehe
Does the name “Amber Matterhorn” mean anything to anyone… ? Years ago, she sent out a plea to all of her “friends” claiming that her husband was a drunk, was beating her, and that she needed money to move herself and her sons/daughters somewhere safe. This was all precipitated over the months by tales of strokes which she claimed to have had, and some very sad stories concerning her marriages to her first and second husbands. Needless to say, many “friends” (including, at the time, my naive self) felt compassion and gave to her “cause” – only to find her emerging not-a-week later as the proud owner of a new island. Ummm, cash-strapped? Not many months later, her name disappeared from the search… although I cannot help but figure she must have passed her property to an alt’ in order to escape the heat that she had so earned.
My RL friend (who i later found out had some pretty wicked mental illness) did something similar.
It all started when her childhood friend came back from iraq and was stationed on a base here in my state. I would text her and she’d be on her way to the base to visit him. He and I started talking on myspace, then facebook, then texting. As the relationship progressed i had some suspicions about why he would never call me on the phone and actually TALK. Long story short.. he moved to australia and got into a car accident, found out he had a rare liver disease and lost a kidney. All the while (up until the last month or two when he told me he was ‘dying’, this went on for maybe 7 months total, from meeting to death) i totally believed that he was a real person. She had other RL friends back up the fact that he was real. I also spoke (not on the phone, again, myspace/ facebook/etc) with his twin brother, another kid who grew up with him, all totally convincing me further that he was real.
After he “died” i did some searching, old highschool yearbooks of various friends who graduated the same year he did.. he was not in them… googled his name.. again.. no record.. no obit.. nothing.
She never asked me for money or anything like that, obviously this was a RL incident and not SL…… But its still flipping amazing that i could get scammed by someone i knew IRL like that via the interwebs. What hurts the most out of all of it was that she flat out LIED to me for 7 months, pretended to be a guy, the guys brother, and a few other accts on different websites, for what?? Attention??
In the same turn, i had a SL friend who i’d known for several years pass away a few months ago. For reals passed away, not the fake the death kind.. and at first i didnt believe it because of what had happened to me previously.