I’m Too Sexy For My Intergalactic Space Diaper

OK kids, this is a rated M for mature article, so those of you squeamish or easily offended or prone to feigned moral outrage, you may wish to x out of this little window now and go read about prim shoes or something.

There. Just us adults now? Excellent.

So, to paraphrase our good friends Salt ‘N’ Pepa from their 1990 album, Black’s Magic:

” Let’s talk about sex, baby
Let’s talk about you and me
Let’s talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be..”

Well, mainly because I could NOT name you a single other song off that album, but anyway.

Sex in SL. Or, as us residents like to call it, “Slex.”

It’s a sad, sad stigma us SL residents have to face, because the rest of the world thinks we are a bunch of extreme slider perverts who do nothing but have sexy sexy slexy sex with other extreme slider perverts.

When you google Second Life images, a bunch of pictures of extreme slider perverts having sex shows up. They are orange-skinned, bling-ridden, with breasts sets to 95% and long pornstar hair and cheesy latex sl-ingerie. And they are usually men playing women on SL having sex with other men pretending to be women on SL. Who actually is having slex?

As our good, good friend, the ever-so-eloquent OMGWTF Barbecue of This is a Fawn says:

“Slex poseballs r dum.”

The majority of people I know share this sentiment. At least when asked.But someone is having slex! And I am not here to judge those who do. I think SL can provide a safe outlet for people to explore their sexuality and try things they may be reluctant to in their first lives.

As our other good, good friend, Shai Delacroix of Casa del Shai says:

” I think sex in SL has given us a freedom of learning about our bodies, self acceptance and relating to other people more than we could ever have in RL, provided you are of legal age and all. Lingerie though is just my personal expression of my love for girly underthings.”

So whether you are having slex or like slex or refuse to have slex or what-ev’s I think there is ONE thing we can all agree on.

Nothing beats gathering a bunch of your SL playmates and going en masse to freaky sex sims and lolololololololing your pixel ass off.

Below are some of my favourites.

1: MOMOIRO ISLAND:

Join the group Momoiro Island.

Teleport to http://slurl.com/secondlife/MOMOIRO%20Island/163/151/28

Ride the train, with tens of identical Japanses businessmen prim avatars, and sit on the molestation poseballs. This sim is clever and really well-built, Seu Ahn has (Yes, THAT Seu Ahn, of Shop Seu) has created a very funny world here. And it is a great picture taking place.

2: Animatum:

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Animatum/132/188/326

This is NOT for the faint of heart. Miss Ristow, one of the friendliest people on Second Life, has created one of the most subversively insane sex sims on SL. Her store, which is GINOURMOUS, has the weirdest stuff ever, snuff beds (where you can kill your partner and then cuddle their lifeless corpse), a table where you can dismember someone with a hacksaw and then shove them in a bodybag, and  one of my favourites, The Diner, where you can cook your loved one and eat them. Hurray! She has many free rooms here which are also great for picture taking and she is always willing to answer questions and have people come and explore her shop. I picked her brain recently because I STILL do not get why or who buys her stuff.

GD: So who the hell wants to RP being eaten on SL?

Miss Ristow:A lot of people are into it. It is likely the same people that will flock to watch a National Geographic episode on cannibalism. They produce those shows because they know people will watch. It is taboo. The same taboo that made Faces Of Death movies popular.

GD:  What is your top seller amongst all your really weird stuff? Because you have some of the most subversive stuff in sl, snuff beds, suicide huds, body bag roleplay, giant pots to cook people in.

Miss Ristow: The Wallbanger is consistently my most popular item:  http://svu-sl.com/WallBanger.html

I asked Miss Ristow why she thinks that people have sex on SL and she sent me the following :

It is difficult to say exactly what sex in SL is or why it is. It is and can be so many things to different people. Some people enjoy sexual role-play here because it is a form of expression. It is not at all unlike writing a short story or screenplay as a form of expression. Some people enjoy role-play because it affords them a chance to show off their creative thinking skills. The feeling one gets when they know they have ‘wowed’ their audience with a great line or scene play. Some people get into sexual role-play in SL because it is relatively safe way to explore things about themselves that they could not do in their ordinary lives. It allows them the ability to find out about things they have maybe heard about but never really knew about. The anominity of SL is a huge factor in this. Many times you will find that people often act like they do when they are on vacation in a different town than that in which they live. Someone who is normally quiet and reserved can often be found to be quite the social bug when they are away from home. People can play out things that they do not feel comfortable even playing out with their spouse at home. You after all have to wake up and look at the person that called you a dirty little whore while you begged for more in RL, in SL there is a separation from that. The person you are playing with doesn’t ‘really’ know you, you do not have to look them in the eye the next morning, and that opens up a freedom of spirit that fosters the exploration of limits.

The major draw though is that people get to play with people. You are not playing with a machine that is using an artificial intelligence algorithm to react to you. You are playing with people, even when other aspects of the platform begin to show their age, the one thing that will keep it going, that will keep it interesting is that there are people here, people to talk with, people to play with, people to do things with, people to make fun of, people to love, people to laugh at and people to cry over.

I have been in SL for 3 years now. For two and a half years my store has been my full time job. After working at it for six months I was able to leave a ‘real job’ and work exclusively in SL. I commonly sit at my PC for 12 hours or more a day, and have been known to spend 3 days straight through sitting and working and playing inworld (When I spoke to her during this article, she had been working on a new superscript for yup, THREE DAYS straight with NO sleep except a short nap). The people I have around me inworld are directly responsible for my wish to still, 3 years later, spend so much time working and playing in SL. It is these people that keep me interested in it, that keep me interested in coming back, that keep me being creative and intuitive in my work and creations. Looking at all of the items I have on my long to do list, all of the great ideas that are yet to come for and from SVU I can say that sex in SL will only get better and more interesting. I and the people around me are going to see to it.
~Mliss Ristow

She loves people stopping in to see her place and she says:

It is why everything is out on display. I have alot of the SVU items out in the hotel for people to use in a private setting if they wish, and Tricia and I are available much of the day to answer any questions and are always happy to help where and when we can.

So go on down to ANIMATUM and cook, dismember, and cuddle your friends.

Nom nom nom

3: VirToys

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Valhalla/46/145/21

actual professional looking logo

Rubber and android lovedolls! For me the most shocking aspect of this shop is not that you can buy something called a “pussy face”, but they actually have a very professional looking logo. Doll cases, avs, robot walking sounds and crazy latex wear to make you resemble a blow-up doll.

4: Sensual Stoneworks:

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Sensual%20Stoneworks/118/127/26

This is an oldie but a goody. I think everyone knows this is the place in SL to go if you want to copulate with a giant stone unicorn and then give birth to its spawn. On one visit here I was actually talking to “Zebrana” because I thought it was an actual avatar who just didn’t speak English that great. That is how good the scripting is at this place.

That unicorn best have monies for child support

5: Diaper Lovers Starship:

Because everyone needs adult diapers in space

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Kama%20Center/21/200/36

Because nothing says slexy like diapers. Especially diapers, in space. This is another of those places I just do NOT understand. Who likes diapers? And why space?

6: STROKERZ TOYZ:

SL Billy Mays

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Eros/200/191/23

Stroker has a few lulz-worthy items in his store and whatsmore, he is just a really nice articulate guy. I think he basically invented slex in SL. Or at the very least, owns all of it.

The Stroker Slex Ronnie James Dio Bed

I stalked him via IM and here’s what he had to say.

GD: Do you think sex in sl is a relevent selling point to long term sl residents, and if so why?

Stroker Serpentine: Sex in Second Life, just as in real life, is heavily predicated upon the imagination and creativity of your partner(s). New interactive products are being created all the time that rejuvinate the appeal. Unfortunately, many times we do not get the opportunity to be made aware of new and exciting roleplay and products until a friend says “OMG..have you seen this??”. We (Strokerz Toyz) have been working on a new project that will revolutionize SL Sex. We have recognized that there are only so many ways you can animate avatars and encourage roleplay available. We have gone back to the “naughty bench” and looked at core motivations. We anticipate a grid-wide launch in a few weeks. Stay tuned for more salacious fun from the minds of SexGen!

GD: Stroker, you sound like an informercial.

Stroker Serpentine: I know thats more of a “pitch”..but…I can assure you..this is going to be BIG!

GD: I am waiting for you to ask me how much I would expect to pay and offer to throw in some space bags with my order! Or a Snuggly!

Stroker Serpentine: I’ll give you a hint..it’s a grid-wide RPG that has been built around 2 databases and a social network. It will have everyone back on their alts again

GD:  You seem to have a LOT of fun in SL, you seem very sincere about wanting people to explore sexual avenues and all that, but do you EVER stop and think “Damn, poseballs sure are geeky?”

Stroker Serpentine: All the time. That’s why for the last 2 years we have been building our own virtual world

So there you have it. That Stroker sure is cagey but he says his virtual world will launch next year. Until then, you can buy a “Bimbo Cheerleader” bed for $4995L!

Rah rah rah!

So whether you are pro or con slex, whether you are a poseball fan or just check out weird places for the lulz, where do you go on SL? Are people STILL having slex? There are a gazillion sex sims on SL, and many, many bizzare-o ones I have left out. Basically there is a sim for every fetish out there. Except clown sex. Clown sex gets NO love in SL. And there is also no slex sim where you can RP having a perfectly clean house and well-behaved children and a nice warm bath and a really expensive bottle of wine waiting for you. I am still trying to work that shit out RL.

****CLICK HERE TO WATCH VIDEO RE-ENACTMENT OF SL SLEX****