Listen up you primitive Screwheads!

*pulls up his rocking chair and opens a beer and looks at the audience* You mouth breathers are due for Storytime with Uncle Dan.

The fact that I of all people have to come down and tell you fuckers to behave is surely a sign that some of you are too stupid to walk upright, let alone be allowed on my goddamn internet. You see, it appears that some of you are having problems following directions. Considering some of you are bright enough to be considered condom malfunctions I’m guessing it is genetic. It seems that some of you fucks have decided to look at the rules to SL Secret when at the upload page and have decided they either A: do not apply to you or B: they used big words which made you scared but you uploaded anyways. So I will go over there for you here. I will attempt to use small words and maybe pictures. Hell, if I could write in Crayon so you’d get it I’d do that for you. But I can’t so suck it up buttercups.

1) Images must be 600×450 and under 2MB and must be a jpeg image (e.g. filename.jpg)

This isn’t hard at all is it? I’m sure from your blogs that some of you actually get what cropping and resizing images is. If not, it’s called a tutorial. Look that shit up.

2) Must concern Second Life or illustrating a secret using Second Life.

I have only seen this one broken a few times. Mostly they get pulled down before a good deal of damage is done. But seriously? It’s called SL Secrets and you’re going to go RL with it? Are you fucking high?

3) It’s ok to be an asshole, but be a smart asshole.

Which means your dumb asshole behavior is unacceptable. This…it is not hard. Use subtlety, be clever, and such. Apparently some of you aren’t smart enough for that  and that makes me sad in my pants. It really really does.

4) This is anonymous. Do not sign your name on your secrets.

This also includes saying “Hey I done made that one” Like you’re proud of your special ed work. If you have some confusion about this manner I suggest you look around the internet at the various dictionaries available so that you may look up anonymous.

5) BE RESPECTFUL OF OTHER PEOPLE’S INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY!

See how that one is bolded and in all caps? This is the one some of you unimaginative twats are having an issue with. This means you do not use other people’s advertisements, blog posts, logos, or anything else that belongs to them. This also ties into being a smart asshole instead of just the plain dumb asshole you have so far been showing us.

Look, the bottom line is there are only 5 rules, and frankly they are pretty simple. But if you continue not to follow them then things are not going to change I can’t say anything that possibly may happen (like say…posting your IP on the rule breaking secrets) but change will occur.

While we’re on the subject of behavior while visiting SCD….

It appears that some of you having been reading this book

And as such have been acting like some first rate chickenshits. I’ve never gotten the need to post behind a fake name. That may just be me being weird though. Does posting under a false name give you a sense of courage? You can say mean, horrible shit to people and not have it come back to haunt you? We’re looking into ways to solve this problem too. So, tell you what. We’ll give you some time and you can start looking for these:

When you find some, be sure to come back and start commenting to your heart’s content under your Second Life name like a big boy/girl/gorean/furry/whatever.

So, the moral to this Story Time with Uncle Dan? Quit being douchebags, start following the rules, or by Ronnie James Dio we will give you something to cry about.

*the title of this blog post came from a Cyberpunk 2020 sourcebook.

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Jemmie

That is great

kesseret

Dan delivers every time.

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