Dear Dancien Episode 3: Love Hurts

First, let me wish you an early Happy Valentine’s Day. Or I like to call it “The bullshit hallmark holiday that highlights what people in love should be doing year round day”. Now then, some of you (read: most of you) forgot the email deadline. Which is Midnight CST on Wednesday. Emails are to be sent to DearDancien@gmail.com. Let’s get cracking on the emails shall we?

Email Number A says:

Dear Dancien,

I’ve recently started hanging out with a woman. We get along pretty well and I developed feelings for her. When I approached her about this she told me that she liked me just as a friend. But I still want to hang out with her and I still have feelings for her. What do I do?

Thanks,

Confused

Dear Confused,

As, she specifically say “Friends” didn’t she? Well then here is my advice to you. She doesn’t like you that way. At all. Ever. So, if she’s a cool chick and you wish to continue hanging out with her then you better expel those feelings pretty damn quick.  Most of my friends out in the real world are female and I asked them about this little phrase “Just a friend” and I was pretty much told it’s a very nice way of saying “Oh hell no”.  Whatever you do, try not to take it personally. She actually does like you as a friend which is why she was letting you down easily. She could have just pointed and laughed.  So yes, in the end. Be cool. Just accept it’s not going to happen and maybe you’ll keep a friend.

Not bitter at all,

Dancien.

And now for email letter the 2nd.

Dear Dancien,

My boyfriend has stopped talking to me. I have not heard from him in two weeks. When I call him I don’t get a response and he does not respond to his emails or offline messages. What does this mean and how do I handle it?

Thanks,

Hurt

Dear Hurt,

Your boyfriend is a pussy. This is probably his lame as way of ending things because he doesn’t have the balls to do it himself. Or…he’s dead. I’m gonna go with option A though. Dancien Rule Number 7: No contact for a week without warning = Single.  So cheer up! Welcome to the Single Life. If the dude shows back up please be kind and point out exactly where he fucked up. If he has some rare valid excuse like “I was in another continent saving puppy refugees from the war” or some shit like that then take him back, or not. In the end though, he was/in an inconsiderate prick for bailing on you like that and you can more than likely do better.

Dancien.

Email the Third: Bastard son of Email the Second:

Dear Dancien,

I just found out my wife in the real world is having a relationship with somebody in Second Life. We’re both in Second Life but I’ve remained faithful and haven’t done anything with anybody. What do I do? We had set up rules before we both entered Second Life and now I’m confused as to what I should do?

Thanks,

Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken,

Look, I know what I’m about to say is going to upset you. And for that, I actually am sorry. But, it needs to be said. She cheated on you. Straight up. No, she didn’t give herself physically to somebody. So it’s not cheating in the technical sense of the term. But if she’s in a relationship chances are she’s cheating on you emotionally and mentally. Which to me, is worse. If she doesn’t know that you are aware of what is going on, now may be the time to tell her. I suggest something for Valentine’s Day. I’m pretty sure there are “Thank you for cheating on me” cards out there. But do confront her about it. Be straight, don’t back down, and tell her exactly what you want. Go from there. If it works out fine. If it doesn’t then nothing says “I’m frackin serious” like a Divorce attorney.

Hope that helps,

Dancien.

And that does it for episode 3 of Dear Dancien. The email address is DearDancien@gmail.com. All emails will be kept anonymous. Deadline for email submissions is every Wednesday at Midnight CST.